Do You Really Believe?

Did you ever get scared that maybe you didn’t really believe in God?

Does it scare you that I asked that question?

When our son died at age 18, I fell into a freefall of faith. I’m not sure I could have even expressed it at that point. Somehow the worst thing that could happen to me had happened. Questions were flying through my mind. Behind the question were assurances, but the questions sounded louder. Trying to grasp onto anything real I started books, contemplated my ability to serve in the church, and wondered how my relationships with friends and family might change. No matter what I did, what I read, who I talked to – I was still swirling in confusion and pain.

In the crucible of suffering I had to make a choice. Did I really believe in God? I have studied the evidences for God’s existence, the arguments that bolster His love for us in spite of suffering, and the reality of the resurrection. Maybe all of that was important in making my choice, but in my heart I needed to believe in a God who could not be fully explained.

God seemed close and elusive at the same time. While He did not reveal why our son died, His love was powerful enough to reach into our hearts.

In my case, I decided that I really did believe in God, and also accepted that I could not answer every question about Him.

Has anything happened in your life that made you wonder if you believed in God? Don’t panic. I think if you choose to believe you will find more answers than you thought you might. And if you ever get scared that maybe you don’t believe, take that as a sign … you’re scared because you do believe.

~~ John Dobbs